


why do you look, then? to see what i know

by kwritten



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-26
Updated: 2014-08-26
Packaged: 2018-02-14 21:44:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2204139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwritten/pseuds/kwritten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>bad reviews made gyu surly and sometimes he seeks them out just to make the constant pressure in his chest mean something</p>
            </blockquote>





	why do you look, then? to see what i know

....

 

Anxiety has become so much a part of his life that Sunggyu sometimes fears that he's addicted to it. 

He wishes he were a dare-devil kind of person, someone who sought fear with intent. Someone who could satisfy their thirst kneeling before a stranger in the bathroom of a club or throwing themselves off of an airplane for laughs. He wishes he were that kind of person, but he's not.

Some mornings he wakes up and the weight is just a little too light, a little too subtle, it doesn't push him down with quite the amount of resistance that he needs. He shouldn't bounce in his step, shouldn't laugh without forcing it, shouldn't be so free.

That's not reality.

He thinks maybe Woohyun can sense it before it starts, can see the light shining in his eyes without those little bits that are hard and sharp peeking through like glass, because his laptop always seems to go missing when he's itching for something to take his mind off the fact that there's nothing that he needs to take his mind off of. 

Sungjong sneers at him that he's just looking for a fight.

He just doesn't know how to breathe normally without his heart pounding in his ears. 

The reviews are terrible. He finds the bad ones. He ignores the good ones. The good ones aren't the ones that matter. The bad ones always outnumber the good ones (even when they don't).

And then he gets anxious (and everything feels right because his stomach is clenched and his hands shake just a bit and he can't sit still but all he has the energy to do is lie there and stare at the ceiling).

Woohyun stands at the doorway and wheedles - he hates that - until Sunggyu throws a dirty pair of socks at him and then the door slams and Sunggyu's heart leaps from his stomach to his chest because Woohyun is mad, which means a confrontation, and he's nearly itching to slam the door open again and then the weight of everything keeps him on the bed, so he just lies there and stews because that's easier and it's there. 

(And there's the possibility of Woohyun and Dongwoo soothing all his fears away and doing that thing that they do where they make it easy and lift the weight a little and he's not sure he can handle that right now, so he doesn't confront, he stays put and hopes that no one notices how much he needs this.)

(Of course they all know he needs this.)

 

Hunger drags him off the bed and he shuffles down the hallway, half-hoping half-dreading for an intervention. But all he finds is Myungsoo crosslegged on the couch watching an anime in sweats and a tank top, bundled up in a blanket like a child home from school with a cold. 

He eats leftover noodles sullenly because they are cold and Woohyun never packages up the leftovers correctly and the kitchen is a mess (it isn't) and someone ate his leftover pizza (they didn't).

He kicks Myungsoo down to the corner of the couch and sprawls out on it, stealing the television and turning on something he probably doesn't even like, just because he knows Myungsoo won't complain and he wants to feel unreasonable. 

He falls asleep eventually, but wakes up when something starts tickling at his neck. He doesn't have to open his eyes to know what it is, Myungsoo's entire, too-hot body is covering him like a blanket and his nose is currently burrowing it's way into the pocket between his shoulder and his collarbone. 

It's not the first time that he's woken up with Myungsoo completely on top of him. He wonders how it is possible that they all don't wake up - every time they wake up - with the younger man fast asleep on their chests. It must take quite an effort for Myungsoo to give them all as much space as he does. 

It is the first time that Myungsoo's nuzzling has ever made him catch his breath. 

Myungsoo stills and inclines his head, "Hyung? Are you awake?"

Sunggyu forces his body to go back to it's regularly schedule breathing rhythms, "No. I'm asleep and you are squishing me to death." He tries to sound angry and irritated - it's habit so it shouldn't be hard - but his voice comes out more husky than angry.

Which legitimately pisses him off. 

He lifts one knee half-halfheartedly and tries to dislodge Myungsoo's legs, "Get off me, idiot."

"No."

Sunggyu opens one eye and looks at Myungsoo suspiciously, "No?"

Myungsoo folds his arms on Sunggyu's chest and leans his chin onto them, looking straight at Sunggyu with a curious expression on his face, "No, hyung."

Sunggyu's mouth drops open in shock, the knots in his stomach growing tighter, "Myungsoo get the fuck off of me."

Myungsoo just stares at him silently, his eyes never deviating from Sunggyu's face. "Hyung," he finally says, laying down on his cheek and releasing Sunggyu from his intense gaze. "I think you should let me help you. Or someone."

Sunggyu tries to shift, tries to move, tries to deflect with his body like he usually does, but can't because Myungsoo has him so weighted down (funny how all he ever wants is something to weigh him down and keep him still and now all he can think of is escaping this heat and these questions), "Help Leader? No. I'm fine Myungsoo."

"Not to help Leader. To help Sunggyu," Myungsoo shifts back to press his face against Sunggyu's neck and shoulder.

Sunggyu is starting to feel claustrophobic. He can't breathe and Myungsoo's lips against his skin are ...

 

Okay, he contemplates. True confession time.

 

He's totally and utterly attracted to Kim Myungsoo.

He probably noticed himself watching the idiot a few times and tried to brush it off as a Leader inspecting his troops. 

Self-denial is a heady drug.

And then the dreams started and no he'd never admit to jerking off in the shower to the thought of sweaty Myungsoo flipping his wet hair out of his face and you can't make him and maybe his eyes started to linger a bit too long during backstage changes and actually all the time. Sunggyu wasn't all that confused, you get to be the Leader of an idol group in all kinds of ways and he's been in the business long enough to know that it's not sleeping to the top, it's just making the right connections and no one could ever accuse him of using sex to get ahead. 

He just makes very strategic choices in his sexual partners is all.

(They'd all laugh to find that out and he keeps that from them all like it is the most precious secret in the universe.)

If you thought maybe you were just a little bisexual in the outside world, suddenly finding yourself living alone with a bunch of totally too-hot-for-their-own-good guys, well... that "little bit" turns into "I will bang you against that wall" in no time and there's no regrets left. Especially when your job lets requires you to engage in enough skinship in one evening to last a lifetime and then you're supposed to just go back to your bed like it doesn't matter at all?

Sunggyu's life is really fucking hard; and now Myungsoo, cute, hot, derpy, pensive, lost, hot Myungsoo, is nuzzling because that's how he operates and Sunggyu doesn't want to grin and bear it anymore.

He also doesn't want to be angry anymore. He wants the tightness in his stomach and chest to loosen and fly away. 

And maybe seducing his bandmate will only make that pressure stronger instead of lighter, but let's face it - what Sunggyu wants and what he needs to keep pushing forward are two different things.

And so he says...

"What did you have in mind?" and he doesn't pretend to be angry at all, lets his voice show his breathlessness at Myungsoo's weight and heat.

(Because why the fuck not?)


End file.
